He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
