if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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