Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
pop tarts are not kleenex
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
