I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I party with great urgency now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
