But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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