When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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