u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize