FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
