Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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