So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think i have two assholes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
