Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
