He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize