No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
