fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
