Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
