Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
