I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
