I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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