just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize