Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
