i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
