i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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