ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
