New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
