How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
