Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
