Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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