somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
