Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
