the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize