Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
