I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
