he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
