Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
