Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
