Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize