we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
