My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
