He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
