his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
