thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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