The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
