Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
