Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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