seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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