I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
