We're facebook friends in real life
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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