his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
