nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Lo siento on account of my penis...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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