There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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