Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize