Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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