Dual....:-)
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize