Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
