1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
