Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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