my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
