i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
