You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
