Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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