dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
