She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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