So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize