you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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