Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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