eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
