Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
only you would photoshop your dick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
