My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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