When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
