it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
